Self-Created Discontent
If nothing is wrong, why do we still feel uneasy?
When all is OK in our world, we feel OK inside, at ease and content. This is the mind in its natural, unperturbed, state. When, on the other hand, something is amiss, we feel discontent—a feeling that motivates us to rectify whatever is wrong, and return to feeling OK.
If we’re still unhappy, even though there are no immediate needs or threats, the discontent is, most likely, self-created. We might be dwelling on something from the past we’re not happy about; feeling dissatisfied with our present experience; or, more than likely, given life’s basic goal of survival, worrying about what might or might not happen in the future. We don’t realize that we’d be happier if we didn’t worry so much.
Instead, we think the cause of our discontent lies in the world around, and thus seek to feel better in the way we know best—the way our culture has conditioned us to respond—by doing something about it.
The advertising industry, in particular, reinforces this approach, promoting discontent in the present with promises of greater happiness in the future. The underlying message of any advertisement—whether for a smartphone, new car, vacation package, gourmet food, or fashionable clothing—is that you lack something. You cannot be content as you are. Buy whatever they are selling, and you will feel better.
On the surface, it might seem to work; we make the purchase and, for a while, we do feel better. We think it is the item we bought that has made us happy. But when we examine the process more closely, we find something very different is going on.
Discontent arises because we imagine some lack or unfilled need. We assume we can’t be happy until we get what is missing. Then, when we do get whatever it is we desire, that particular discontent no longer exists. We feel better. But it is not getting the object of our desire that has made us happy. We feel better because we’re no longer creating the discontent that came from not having it.
This is readily apparent when we buy something online. The moment we start feeling good about our purchase is the moment we hit the “Buy” button. It may be several days before we receive what we’ve bought and begin to enjoy its benefits, but the discontent ends when we make the decision to buy. We’re no longer feeling that particular lack, and no longer creating that particular discontent.
There is, however, one respect, in which the ads are right. We do lack something. But it is not some product, experience, or opportunity. We lack the peace and contentment of the natural, unsullied mind. And that is missing, not because it isn’t available, but because it’s been overshadowed by self-created discontent.
Inner peace is not something we create or make happen. Nor, strictly speaking, is it something we find or discover. It is our natural state of being before our minds are laden with fears, concerns, anxieties, and such. A mind that is worried cannot, almost by definition, be a mind that is a peace.
This is the sad joke about human beings: Worrying whether or not we’ll at peace in the future, prevents us being at peace in the present.
Some people spend their whole lives this way, never giving themselves the chance to be at peace—until, finally, they can worry no more, and we inscribe “Rest in Peace” on their tombstones.
But we don’t have to wait to die to rest in peace. At any moment, we can choose to pause our thinking, and stop following the story about what is lacking.
When we do, we cease creating that particular discontent, and can relax back into the natural peace of the present moment.
This post is based on material in my book Letting Go of Nothing
More reflections like this in my new book, How to Meditate Without Even Trying — thoughts on meditation, attention, and the settling of the mind. Pre-order now.
You can ask me (or rather my personal chatbot) questions about my work and ideas, 24/7, at PeterBot
I think it’s human nature, the human condition. There’s a constant rumbling unconscious dissatisfaction. It cannot be suppressed we can only learn to realise this feeling & live with it.
No matter what our status or what we have the grass is always greener it’s the nature of the animal we are.
Interesting synchronicity with your post just now. I was lying awake ruminating about chronic pain issues that are part of my life now. I’ve been adding this emotional suffering to the mix, even although I’m not experiencing physical pain at the moment.
Thanks for your very timely word 🙃. I think I’ll get out of bed instead and have cup of tea then a short meditation, then back to bed.
👍💕